I always find myself walking down a dirt road, hopelessly trying to reach a destination called true love.
And I feel like I always leave a piece of my heart with every boy I seem to like along the way.
But once I realize that the road is leading me nowhere,
I know how to turn around and retrace my steps back to where I came from.
Half-hoping that somehow, someone who’s holding a piece of my heart would take a chance with it.
But as I reach the other end of the road, back to where I originally started my search,
all I found was how every piece of my heart is still left with all the boys I found.
It’s simply unfair how I could easily pick him out among the throng of heads bobbing in the crowd.
It’s simply unfair how I am the only one who feels the connection between us. A connection in which a spark might actually ignite into a fire so intense it keeps burning.
It’s simply unfair how he could easily mean so much to me while I’m just a mere passerby in the hallway, can instantly be forgotten once the day is over; someone he could merely throw a glance at, much more a second look.
It’s simply unfair, how I can easily feel too much for him while he will never feel even the slightest for me.
There are people who tries so hard to forget about their heartaches.
Which makes me different from them.
I would prefer to constantly remind myself of all the mishaps that occurred in my life.
When a glimpse of the previous pain flashed in my mind, I would dig my memory for more similar painful experiences just like that.
Because it makes me feel human.
As if feeling the pain makes me capable of feeling everything else.
There could be so many people talking about your worth.
But none of it would count,
if you don’t see it for yourself.
When I look at myself in the mirror, do you think I like what I see?
When somebody tells me I’m pretty, do you think I agree?
When I see other girls with their confidence so high enough to uplift themselves, do you think I don’t feel envy?
You see, I’m still struggling to love myself.
It’s gonna take some time.
It’s gonna take too much from within me.
But I’m praying that while I try to unravel my true self for me,
you won’t enter my life and ruin what I have so carefully built for myself for the past few years.
I’ve already broken myself too many times that I don’t need you to make it worse.